


It would be so easy to love him.

by Letyourmindsoar



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Gen, Mutually Unrequited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-08
Updated: 2014-02-08
Packaged: 2018-01-11 14:36:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1174244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Letyourmindsoar/pseuds/Letyourmindsoar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Relationships are difficult - when one half is gone for long periods of time, when another person is perfect, when you wish you could be with that perfect person but you know you just can't... Relationships are difficult, and they are sometimes too hard to handle. But she is strong, and what she has is enough for her.</p><p>At least, that's what Hermione believes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It would be so easy to love him.

_It would be so easy to love him._

Oh, she loved Ron. She honestly did. They may have had a rocky start during their Hogwarts years, but after everything they had been through together, they were an unbelievably strong couple. He no longer had the emotional range of a teaspoon. He understood her, sometimes better than herself, and he always treated her the exact way she wanted at the exact time she needed it. He respected her and loved her and treated her like she was the queen of all queens. He gave her everything she needed and wanted and more. He was the perfect husband, the perfect father to their children. And she honestly loved him

But when Ron is away on those Auror missions that lasted months… And she has to deal with those difficult cases at St. Mungo’s… And then has to go home to two young children that require more time and attention than she sometimes has… She briefly thinks that it would be so easy to love him.

He’s so kind to her. He cares for her and helps her in any way that he can. He’s always there for her when she needs him, willing to sacrifice any amount of sleep or time for her. He listens to her and talks to her and tells her to take all the time she needs to be okay again. She wouldn’t be as emotionally stable as she is now without him. She sometimes thinks she wouldn’t be able to get through the day without talking to him. He is her best friend, her confidante, her therapist, her helper, all that and more. They have always had a sibling relationship, and that’s still what they have. Plus, he has a wife whom he loves and three beautiful children... And she has her own husband whom she loves and two of her own children.

But still. He is literally as perfect a man as possible, and she thinks his wife is so lucky to have him. She is almost jealous of his wife, actually, because she has the most attentive and loving husband on the planet.

She hates that she feels the way. She feels unfaithful and dirty for not respecting her own husband and for not respecting his wife. She feels like a terrible person and hates herself every time she thinks of him… But she doesn’t know how to stop. It would be so easy to love him, and she worries, deep within her heart, that maybe she already does.

And that is not okay. That is beyond not okay. It is not acceptable in any world for her to love him, and even if it were, it would never work out anyway. And she accepts that. She can’t have him, she can never have him, and she doesn’t want him anyway, if she were to be completely honest with herself.

She may be book smart, and she may have her talents in certain areas… But he is still better than her. His magic is just more powerful, and he can do more than her with less knowledge. He is more sympathetic, and he has always been loved by so many (and she is referring to his true friends and his adoptive family, not so much by the student body at Hogwarts). She has never had that. She was alone in primary school, and then she only had her two boys at Hogwarts. Sure, she could talk to the other girls in Gryffindor, but she was never very close to them. But he was loved. Everyone always wanted to be in his presence, and he made people smile just by being himself.

And sometimes, she would fool herself by thinking that he cared extra for her, did more for her. But she is sure that is just by virtue of her being closer to him than most (and that is just by virtue of having known him longer and having been rescued by him so early in their first year). 

So, when she is feeling down and Ron isn’t there and she can’t bother him again, all her insecurities rise up, and she thinks that she’s not special to him (because she’s not...she knows she's not). She feels so fragile and breakable because of these feelings, and she can’t tell anyone about it… So then what? She doesn’t want to be with him (because he would make her feel inferior all the time…and then selfish because he would do everything in his power so that she wouldn’t feel that way…and then even more inferior because he’s so perfect…and she just doesn’t need any of that...not that he would ever choose her anyway). 

She just needs to stop and be more patient and faithful in waiting for Ron, and she needs to accept his good friendship and be happy with just that.

Because that’s all she’ll ever have, and it has to be good enough.

It just has to.


End file.
